Aarini jumps across the stream. She launches herself over the rocky water and with a joyous scream, she feels her feet make contact with the safety of the bankside. But the bank is uneven and she stumbles, her centre of gravity no longer in the centre. A helpful and jagged rock catches her fall, right on her knee. Her scream continues but its mood is something different. Bloodied and tearful, she runs to Mum. So, let’s pause here. What might Mum best do?
A. Tell her she was stupid and careless and it’s her own fault whilst reluctantly cleaning her flesh wound.
B. Hug her and tell her that it’s too dangerous to do things like that and she really needs to stop as she is too precious, too loved and too delicate, whilst making a mental note to keep a closer on Aarini for her own protection.
C. Dust her down, give her a hug, ask how she’s feeling and when she’s ready to, let her go off and explore once again with this incident now in her memory bank to collaborate her future risk taking.
“A” might teach her that to risk is to be stupid and will breed anger and judgement in others so best be risk averse. Or it may lead to its opposite, rebellious and reckless risk seeking (hidden from Mum).
What about “B?”. Aarini might become guilt-ridden about taking risk and see it as selfish. She might view herself as so fragile and incapable that she becomes risk averse. Alternatively, she might rebel against this and become ever more risk-seeking to assert her own sense of power.
If Mum responds with “C”, what might that teach our young explorer? That risk, pain and danger are a part of life, that Mum can’t inoculate her from it, but if managed well and learnt from, it is part of the zest of life. Crucially, there is one other message here, Mum is here to hug you, to settle and soothe you, to love you when you need it. To be a secure base to come home to.
You might notice that the first two opposite responses can lead to the same outcomes for Aarini, a movement to polarities of risk-aversion or risk-seeking for its own sake. The final response is most likely to lead to a developing calibration of risk and safety that will prepare her for the world ahead with all of its beauty, excitement, dangers and opportunities.