Esther was 20 minutes late for her session. This was unusual for the conscientious, anxious and people-pleasing pleasing lady I had recently started working with. Her surprising reason led me to set a challenge for her (and me) and to many clients since.
It was 2020. The council were digging up and relaying the paths outside my office and Esther walked past the temporary turn off to get to me. She realised too late and this set her a dilemma. She could change direction and endure the ridicule, scorn and judgment of the drivers and pedestrians around her or she could keep walking and do a big 20-minute loop to get back round to my office. Of course, she chose the face-saving option and rang my doorbell with almost half the session gone.
Humour can be an important asset and we were able to smile at the scenario but also to understand the framing which led to her decision. We are the stars of our movie and we also think that on some level, we are the stars of the movies of others too. So, in Esther’s world, the driver of the blue fiat who was anxious about not getting to his meeting on time, the cyclist who can’t understand why his partner wants to end their relationship and the fellow pedestrian who is just looking forward to getting home and into a hot bath are all obsessed with a trivial detail of this stranger’s life.
So, what was the challenge? Walk along the road, change direction for 10 paces, change direction again and then walk the way you were going. And here’s the thing; notice the people who are NOT looking at you. We both did it before her next session and it was not the talk of the town.
Once you begin to realise how wonderfully invisible you are your life starts to feel a lot freer. Try it. If you dare!