What do you do? Pause for a moment and reflect on your answer to this question. You “do” so many things that the only realistic answer to that question is “well I do millions of things, far too many to list to you”.
And yet it is likely that the automatic response in your head was to go to the job that you do (delivery driver, nurse, accountant, teacher etc) or the main role in your life (e.g., “a carer for my mother”).
You may play football, help out at food banks, play on the X-Box for hours or tend your allotment most evenings but you would likely not answer with these.
So, we relegate everything else we do as secondary to this main task but it goes even deeper than this. We don’t say “I do nursing” or “I do delivery driving” we say, “I AM a nurse” or “I AM a delivery driver”. It moves from what we do, to who we are. A source of our identity.
Why is this and what does it mean for our mental health? We are brought up from an early age to define people by their job; “Postman Pat”, “Bob the Builder”, “Fireman Sam” (female characters were suspiciously absent from the cartoon workplace!) What they did, defined them.
When we meet a new person, we want quick symbols to gauge if we are going to like them or best avoid them. We will make many inferences about a person from their job. Are they “posh”, “common”, “clever”, “like me” or “not like me”? Often these assumptions say more about our own prejudices but they give us a shortcut to deciding if we want to get to know this person.
Secondly, our emotions, financial security and our ego are affected by our job and its tentacles can grasp at every aspect that is important to us. Problems arise when we feel trapped in a job that does not serve us emotionally but that does financially. It is a dilemma that millions face. With so much of ourselves invested in our job, it is understandable that “what do you do?” is met with “I am a …”.
Ideally, your job needs to satisfy you emotionally, financially and feed your ego so that you feel good about yourself. In coaching, working with someone who ultimately makes the decision to change to a more fulfilling job can seem like a loss to the company. It rarely is. An employee that is working just on the financial cylinder is unlikely to be highly motivated, creative or resilient. Their mental health can be affected by the dissonance between who they are and what they do. Alternatively, needs can be better understood by employer and employee and we can align these needs to the benefit of both,.
When you say, “I’m a ….”, how do you feel? Does it serve all three of your needs? If so, you’re lucky, smart or both., if not, it may be time to look at what you spend your life being.